HAUNTING ON FRATERNITY ROW
(starring Jacob Artist, Jayson Blair, Shanley Caswell, Claudia Lee. Written by Jeff Cahn, Brant Sersen. Directed by Brant Sersen)
Got excited for a moment remembering SORORITY HOUSE MASSACRE, thinking maybe I could relive some found senseless gory hijinks that usually take place in nonsensical B-movie slasher movie… but HAUNTING ON FRATERNITY ROW takes a different route… and it is a road less travelled for a reason.
The basic storyline is a fraternity is throwing their big luau party and everyone who is anyone will be there. While getting things set up (for whatever reason all kegs of beer must be kept in some decrepit cellar instead of a place more easily accessible upstairs) they accidentally knock a hole in the wall and find a short tunnel going to a room filled with lights. They also find a covered goblet that our head fraternity dick (I’m not even going to bother with names here because none of them matter) decides it will serve as his goblet for the festivities. Well, it seems this goblet actually contained some evil spirit that has now been unleashed into the house… at least that is what I think happened. Nonetheless, some evil spirit starts killing people off one-by-one as we are subjected endless party shenanigans by our halfwit college boys and girls. Lots of drinking, drugs, some nudity and a massive amount of college idiots litter the house and yard.
(starring Jacob Artist, Jayson Blair, Shanley Caswell, Claudia Lee. Written by Jeff Cahn, Brant Sersen. Directed by Brant Sersen)
Got excited for a moment remembering SORORITY HOUSE MASSACRE, thinking maybe I could relive some found senseless gory hijinks that usually take place in nonsensical B-movie slasher movie… but HAUNTING ON FRATERNITY ROW takes a different route… and it is a road less travelled for a reason.
The basic storyline is a fraternity is throwing their big luau party and everyone who is anyone will be there. While getting things set up (for whatever reason all kegs of beer must be kept in some decrepit cellar instead of a place more easily accessible upstairs) they accidentally knock a hole in the wall and find a short tunnel going to a room filled with lights. They also find a covered goblet that our head fraternity dick (I’m not even going to bother with names here because none of them matter) decides it will serve as his goblet for the festivities. Well, it seems this goblet actually contained some evil spirit that has now been unleashed into the house… at least that is what I think happened. Nonetheless, some evil spirit starts killing people off one-by-one as we are subjected endless party shenanigans by our halfwit college boys and girls. Lots of drinking, drugs, some nudity and a massive amount of college idiots litter the house and yard.
Molly Tarlov, Shanley Caswell, and Claudia Lee... the best part of HAUNTING OF FRATERNITY ROW.
We try to do a little character development. One stoned dude attempts to figure out where this spirit came from. Another stoned dude tries to get a three way going while he threatens his even dumber little brother to stay upstairs and out of the party. One guy is kissing his bitch girlfriend’s ass (albeit good looking bitch) in order a secure a job with her successful father, but ends up standing up for his rights by the end of the night. And we also have the too shy couple who finally connect after four years of light flirting… aw, isn’t it sweet. Oh yeah, don’t forget the housemaid who takes off in the beginning of the movie but returns at the end to reveal information about the spirit… and is way too hot to be a maid.
The bulk of the story is just partying, stupid jokes and some gratuitous nudity before any killing begins. And the killings are pretty quick, although somewhat impressive but would have had more impact if the demon had a better back-story. The demon reminds me of that commercial for America Home Shield where Death visits the lady to kill her refrigerator. Except that commercial scares me.
The bulk of the story is just partying, stupid jokes and some gratuitous nudity before any killing begins. And the killings are pretty quick, although somewhat impressive but would have had more impact if the demon had a better back-story. The demon reminds me of that commercial for America Home Shield where Death visits the lady to kill her refrigerator. Except that commercial scares me.
Our demon, too scared to come out into this crappy movie.
The big problem (here I go again) is the point-of-view photography. Seems all the fraternity pledges are equipped with cameras to video the big event. So it is endless shots of quick zooms, shaky camera work, and out-of-focus. Not sure why all movie makers now want us to think what is going on might actually be happening so we must be subjected to crappy camerawork for an hour and half. I think this movie would have worked much better if it had been just shot like a regular movie. But no, we have to have the point of view of ever pledge… at least when they remember the premise. Sometimes they forget it is all point-of-view and the shots really make no sense as to who or why someone would be filming the scene in question. And we also get the dual point-of-view shot where somehow they are cutting between two camera shots for conversations… how are they cutting between two dweebs with something that supposedly happening before our eyes? Didn’t see a camera feed going out to a director in a van with a mixing board. The point-of-view idea was stupid enough, but if you are going to use the idea at least commit to it.
The movie is really dumb and even with some cool murder scenes, some good-looking girls with some nude scenes, it is still tough to recommend. What moneyman is looking at this script and thinking “yes”, I imagine it was ten pages long and four of the pages was a shopping list for the party supplies. Really dumb story, really dumb ending, a collection of attractive yet dumb people, and a kind of cool demon who seems lost in his own movie. I think everyone involved with this movie needs to go back to a real school and learn to make a movie. Two coffins.
The movie is really dumb and even with some cool murder scenes, some good-looking girls with some nude scenes, it is still tough to recommend. What moneyman is looking at this script and thinking “yes”, I imagine it was ten pages long and four of the pages was a shopping list for the party supplies. Really dumb story, really dumb ending, a collection of attractive yet dumb people, and a kind of cool demon who seems lost in his own movie. I think everyone involved with this movie needs to go back to a real school and learn to make a movie. Two coffins.
